Alone
by syzzal
Summary: Lily Evans mulls over her thoughts with a half empty bottle of firewhiskey as her company, that is until she is joined by a certain friend. Rated T for occasional swearing.


**(Author's Note): **Hope you enjoy this little fic. I would love any feedback you have to give back to me. :)

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The stars blinked down upon Lily Evans tonight as she sat, with her legs extended and a firewhiskey cradled in her sweaty palms, on the cool grass that grew besides the lake. It was this very night that she wanted nothing more than to forget herself in this cruel world for a while and meander through the starry skies alone. Alone kept her safe; alone spilled her secrets to no one.

The air was crisp like dead leaves in the fall, yet the atmosphere retained its spring-time warmth. Regardless of the constant misery that coursed through her veins lately, Hogwarts never lost its feeling of unyielding welcome and love towards her. Lily raised the cool glass bottle to her lips and took a large swallow of the burning alcohol as it blazed its way down her esophagus. It was long past curfew, but Lily had taken advantage of her prefect status to allow her to easily slip through a back corridor after patrols. Not a single sound disturbed the twilight and low murmur of chirping crickets. She exhaled a quick breath as she went over the troubles clouding her thoughts.

Ten muggles. All dead and not a single trace of foul play was discovered by the muggle police. Worst yet, these deaths and disappearances were happening around the outskirts of the Evans' muggle resident. There was nothing Lily could do but go to class and read the Daily Prophet every morning, hoping that she wouldn't catch sight of her mother's name, her father's name, or even Petunia's on the list of murdered muggles by the suspected hands of Death Eaters. She was terrified for her loved ones and even more scared by her inability to do anything to protect them.

Rustling sounds of footstep shuffled behind Lily and she turned around quickly, ready to give any unruly students detention for disrupting her peace, and breaking curfew of course, but mostly for interrupting her moment of deep thought. A tall and lean boy, sporting a head of disheveled brown hair, stepped out of the tall shadows casted by silvery moonlight.

"James?" Lily called out in surprise.

"Yeah," He let out a puff of laughter and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Um," He padded over to where Lily sat. "Can I join you?" She nodded in reply and gave a small smile as he sat down.

They were now in their sixth year and had grown quite close together in the past few months. James no longer irritated her to the point where she would consider trying to Avada Kedavra herself just to avoid his juvenile gimmicks. Nowadays, they enjoyed being in each others' company and had actually found themselves in a situation like this one tonight once or twice before. Regardless, the air was still and a wave of awkward silence flitted by before one of them broke the ice. "So what brings you here tonight?" James asked while keeping his eyes on the water.

"I could ask you the same thing," Lily plucked at a blade of grass.

"Can't a guy just get some fresh air?"

"Hmm, in the middle of the night? I think that sounds fishy," She couldn't help but feel a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth.

"Hey, just because I'm a Marauder does not mean I always go hunting for trouble," His tone was playful but she couldn't help but detect a twinge of sadness in it. It seemed as if they both had an unspeakable pain living in their chests, and they both acknowledged it with each others' presence. More silence took its place. It was Lily who broke it this time.

"I could give you detention. For breaking curfew."

James turned his head over and looked into her eyes. His glasses reflected the starry night sky just as the lake did. "Aw, but Evans… That would make you a hypocrite, would it not?" His voice reduced to a volume just above a whisper and Lily felt her heart skip at the sudden drop of tone. He spoke in a way as if he was letting her, and only her, in on one of his secrets.

"Ah, but that doesn't matter because," She tapped a finger on her prefect badge, and it glinted and gleamed in the darkness.

"Abusing power now, are we?" He raised an amused eyebrow at her. They were both fighting smiles that played on the edges of their lips.

"Maybe I am. No one would believe you anyways if you told them that I broke curfew as well," She elbowed his ribs playfully and he feigned a moment of deep pain.

"Well played, Evans. I'm getting a hunch that you're spending far too much time with us boys and you're inexplicably picking up our bad behavior," James winked and lifted a finger to gently stroked one of her cheekbones. It was an intimate touch, but the two of them were naturally intimate people. This sort of affection happened often between the two; but nonetheless, it still sent a jolt up Lily's spine and she found herself leaning into his hand. They both sat like this, side by side, and allowed the silence to grow into a comfortable cushion. They felt tucked away in their own world. James and Lily broke a sad smile towards the other; both were pleased to be in each others' company, yet were plagued by the troubles that had brought them here in the first place.

Lily silently brought her bottle of firewhiskey up to her mouth and attempted to take a quick swig without James Potter noticing. Too late. The bottle caught the moonlight in its hazy curves and reflected light into James's peripheral. "Woah there," he held out a hand and stopped the bottle from bleeding out its alcohol onto Lily's sanity. "Is that illegal firewhiskey? And is that Lily Evans, prefect extraordinaire, trying to douse down her problems?"

"And so what if I am?" She replied back in a somber tone. James let out a sigh, "Well then at least you could share some with me." And so they sat, passing the bottle back and forth while they watched the glassy skin of the lake ripple and wane. At some point, the two of them ended up sprawled together with James lying flat on his back and Lily's head resting on his chest. Lily hoped it was just the alcohol doing her in. He really smelled nice tonight.

"Do you think there's something out there? In the beyond—you know, something that watches our every move and controls our fate?" Lily suggested quietly, her words were starting to slur together into one incoherent sentence. The magical liquor made the constellations swim in front of her eyes.

"Do you?" James mumbled. Lily could feel the soothing timbre of his voice reverberate at the back of her head.

"I'm asking you, Potter," she huffed a laugh and he responded with a slight chuckle. There was a brief pause before Lily resonded. "I'm not really sure," she said and ran a hand through the wet grass. James stayed silent for a measureable amount of time. Lily counted the chirps of crickets and hoped her question wasn't too farfetched. She already knew that her face would burn with embarrassment tomorrow once she remembered how drunk she had gotten with her "friend whom she wasn't supposed to be close to because she spent an insurmountable amount of time hating, but now she kinda really likes" friend—A.K.A. James Potter. They both sat up. James stared at the water. Lily stared at her hands.

"No," James finally said without a quiver of doubt.

"What?" Lily had spaced out and dissolved into her own thoughts.

"No. I don't think there's a higher being controlling fate and shit. I would like to hope that we have some sort of control over our own selves once in a while. It helps me sleep better at night to think that we can actually choose to do good—choose to make our lives how we want it," And with that he finished the remaining firewhiskey in one swig. None of them spoke as Lily tried to put sense into the weight of James's words.

"You're talking about Voldemort, aren't you?" She chewed on her lip. Half of her hoped she was wrong. The other half of her wanted to believe him and his words.

"Voldemort and every damn thing that sucks ass right now," his eyes glinted with what Lily thought to be a mixture of determination, anger, and sadness, and she knew that her heart hurt for him even more than it hurt for herself.

Without thinking, Lily grabbed for his hand and held him reassuringly in her small palms. They were both surprised by her sudden action, but the dark waves crashing in James's eyes had dulled significantly as he allowed the heat from Lily's hand to seep into his. She was warm like the flickering fire in the Gryffindor Common Room. His lips twitched just the slightest bit, and her eyes flitted down to them momentarily before she caught herself in the action. James gave Lily's hand a squeeze and she flashed him a quick smile in response. Her heart rate had suddenly spiked at their contact, and heat had risen up into her cheeks and palms so quickly that she was afraid she would flare up. This, of course, was all due to the fact that she had just drowned herself in nearly a bottle's worth of wizard liquor. James's thumb traced light patterns over the back of Lily's pale hand.

"I just want to be able to have something that'll bring happiness and light to this darkness," James's eyes flicked back and forth between Lily's. His voice was nearly silent and broken. Lily could feel his hungry gaze shake her soul. Eventually she had to avert her eyes from his penetrating sight to the ground.

"Well we can only hope, right?" Her thoughts drifted back to her family.

"I don't know if that's enough," James's voice was growing scratchy and thick.

"It's all we've got now," She was determined.

James lifted his free hand up to Lily's chin and nudged her to look up at him. When she finally did turn her attention to James, she found his warm hazel eyes glittering in the white glow of moonlight. His hair was in its usual mess and she thought that he never looked better.

"Hey, we'll get through this. I promise," James told her pleadingly. She nodded, but her eyes watered noticeably at the corners and she cursed at herself for crying in front of James Potter. He caught sight of the tears swimming in her eyes and he proceeded to pull her into his embrace, holding her tightly to his chest; her tears intensified into muffled sobs. He whispered promises into her sweet smelling hair until her cries died and she became a curled up ball in his arms, teetering on the edge of sleep.

"James?" Lily's words were just a mumble.

"Hm?"

"Thank you," and she drifted to sleep.

-_(SUPER__ COOL PAGE BREAK)-_

They woke up together the next morning in the dusty early morning sun. The lake was lapping at the shore and the birds had started their morning chatter in the trees. The two began making their trek back to their dormitories after a final glance at the red sun swimming on the lake's surface. Both James and Lily stayed silent as they hiked back to the castle absorbed in their own thoughts. Lily knew that last night had changed their amicable relationship, and although this meant possible complications later down the road, she was feeling content and blissful.

The Gryffindor Common Room was calm and empty when they finally arrived, its eternally lit fire dancing in the center of the room. And right before they parted ways to their respective dorms, Lily knew one thing for sure. Alone didn't keep her safe. James Potter did, and he spilled her secrets to no one.


End file.
